Basketball Wives 2014 Rundown: A Chani Caught In Headlights

Basketball Wives RUNDIZZLE!!!!!
  I ain't done one of these in a miz-inute, but I feel I

have to after last night's episode. Mmkay. British, honey triscuit, if you have to tell your man when you leave town to 'be a good boy' and you don't want have to hear none of his "stories" about how 'she got my phone & put her number in', then, my little English Muffin, you might need to re-evaluate your "relationship". I have left my husband to go on trips on many of an occasion & I ain't NEVER had to tell him "Don't cheat on me while I'm gone!" WHA-?!? I might tell him to FEED the dog, but never had to tell him not to BE the dog! Okaaay! Then she basically said "even though I don't WANT to put up with x, y & z, I will...but I don't WANT to." Type o' mess is that??? Jackie too. Perfect Doug cheat with Aggressive Asian Women???? Why EVER would you think that, with your perfect & trusting marriage??? You role-playing Halle Berry n' all?? Hmmph. (Just threw up in my mouth a lil bit. I'm sure Halle did too.) BTW- Love the friend that Malaysia is. Jackie Christie is as CORNY as she is crazy. With that dang bottle her & her Squidward lookin' hubby posed for. I know that was the week before, but had to mention that MESS. Antyways, you, ma'am, at the not-so-tender age of 67, don't know what 'golden showers' are??? Stupid. Brown Boy? SMH. I think she didn't want to put her name on it cuz she knows folks can't stand her & won't buy it. She knows. Now as for Draya and Chani. Tweren't Chani a tad surprised when Draya & her boo just rolled up on the scene. Her face was priceless! Bet she wanted to pull that thick ol' toboggan down over that quiverin' mole. "We do drop-ins too." Yaaaassss!!!! You could tell that Chani was sooo caught up. She wasn't sayin' nothin' til Orlando told Jackie she wasn't his mama. Now he's being disrespectful after she's the one that called him an ugly m'f-er? (And SHE'S married to Doug Christie. Mmhmm...) Anyhoo- Why was Jackie on ten though??? She was all the way turnt, yes, turnT up. Then Chantel taking out earrings & thangs, but NEVER got froggy...cept with Orlando for a second, when she focused on him getting mouthy with her mom who was tripping all the way out on him FIRST. (Wasn't she just hating her mom last season? Yeah...I digress..)Then she stood behind the couch. Ok. "You bes' be glad this couch is holdin' me back!" LOL! As soon as it was over, she looked like she 'felt some type of way', didn't she? She, for once, looked humbled. Sad almost. Like- from 1 to Rihanna how salty was she? LOL! But I think she really liked Orlando & what he said happened did & she knows she looked stupid. Then Jackie called Sundy. And FOR WHAT???? Really. Her & Sundy are way too old to be in mess like this. Delusional Jackie gon' say "And me & Chani sittin' over here being classy." Oh...Was that class? I musta missed that lesson in Classy 101. The "How to cuss somebody out like a sailor, while being TOO grown & wearing a skully" lesson. RME!! Silly Sundy gonna say "Orlando needs his little butt beat & Doug needs to do it." Are you serious?!? Then again, she IS friends with the most DELUSIONAL lady on this side of the heavens. I do believe YOUNG Orlando would take Doug out at his bad, aged knees & yell "Timberrrr!" while doing it. Quit playin'. Last note, I think that Draya did what she did not only to front Chantel out but to make sure her dude wasn't lying. I don't think she was just going for Chani at all. Yes, I think if you have to do that much footwork, it might not be the REALationship of a lifetime, but if this makes her feel better & more at ease, so be it. I think that Orlando does care for her or he wouldn't have done the footwork with her. Many may feel differently, but either way Draya looked awesome in that halter top jogging suit. ;) I would get one if I wouldn't look like a half pound burger in it. ;) Welp, like Chani's face, I'm gonna get lost! HOLLA!!! 

What's Good For the Goose Is BAD For the Gander: J-Quizzle on the fight @ Elsa's

     Hey! It's been a loooong time! Too long! But I just HAD to blog about this one.

     So... I just watched the fight that happened at Elsa's in Dayton, Ohio. (Insert Blank Stare here) It was the most ratchet mess ever. Not only do you have several Black women cursing, throwing glasses, flat out BRAWLING like a bunch of animals, but you have Black men laughing, cheering and RECORDING it! Thanks bunches for setting 'us' back 100 years, hood bunnies! Now, I am the first to say, "That was THEM. They were representing THEMSELVES. It has nothing to do with ME." BUT. IT. DOES. Why? Because I frequent a lot of establishments on that side of town. Me, my fam & friends frequent a lot of establishments, period.  It does make 'us', as a people, look bad. It's not fair that I have to get the side eye because those jokers didn't know how to act like CIVILIZED ADULTS. Standing on seats, acting/looking stupid  and not giving two stinkin' farts about the other INNOCENT patrons and employees who may have been caught in the crossfire of hurled glasses, fists & profanity.

     YES, other races get in bar brawls & such. I get that. HOWEVER, when 'we' do it, if y'all haven't caught on yet, 'we' are LUMPED in TOGETHER. It's not "Oh...Bobby Jo just got into another bar fight. That boy just can't get right." It's "See, you can't let Blacks/Niggers into our establishments. THEY don't know how to act." I'm not saying it's right. I'm saying that's how it IS. It's just like I had to tell my son when he came back from school one day and had been given detention for running around the classroom. He said, "It's not fair, (insert classmate's name here, a White kid) was chasing me. He was running too." I had to explain to my child that though it's not fair, it's how things go. ( And, yes, I told him that if he would not have run, so&such could not chase him) HOWEVER, both boys were guilty of the same misbehavior. I had to run it down to my child that what he does as a Black child is amplified. It's sad but true. 'We' can't do what many other races do and 'get away with it' because (some IGNORANT) people are already on 'alert' when it comes to Black people. Two White boys can play the game of pencils/knuckles and it will be a couple of boys being boys playing the GAMES boys play, but if Black boys play it will be called 'violent' or acts of aggression (in a predominantly White school- I have been witness to this, as well). Do you know how many times I have been in a 'discussion' in my workplace and the White co-worker will just be 'making his/her point' and when I start 'making my points' I'm being 'argumentative' and it has been actually said to me "I'm not trying to argue with you."? This is the world I/'we' live in. This is 'our' reality. 'We' have to try harder to be seen as nonviolent, to not be seen as the aggressor. 'We' don't need to engage in acts that make 'us' look like the uncivilized hooligans some people already perceive 'us' to be. 'We' need to work harder at proving them wrong instead doing things to prove they are right about 'us' because, as 'we' know, they're NOT.

     Yes, in comparison to all of the good, civilized, productive, intelligent, successful, AWESOME Black citizens we have in the world, it was only a handful of 'us' that were at that Elsa's acting like complete idiots, with no home training. However, with the video going viral, it is a representation of the Black race to the billions of people who reside in cyberspace. As much as it's UNFAIR, it's the UGLY truth.

     To those who keep the video in circulation by reposting it, you're not helping 'us' out any. Stop spreading & promoting the ignorance. Either that, or stop getting mad at how the world views 'us'. IJS. 

Basket(cases)ball & one actual WIFE Rundooooown:

Sorry so late folks, but like with Susie's mouth work, better late than never! HAAA! Anyhoo, not a lot happened this week really. I mean...Evelyn cried about her lost love Oucho Cinco again...UGH!! I've been over this story since Evelyn's six stitches got eaten up by that vein that pops out in the middle of her forehead whenever she gets upset. Listeeen <---In my Jennipha voice---> She jus' needs tah get over it...I mean, Eric almost drownt (yes, drownT) me last season when he threw that drink in my face but you don't hear me talkin' about it! Least he di'in't leave you with an Eric Lump!" LOL! Man, I miss Jennipha! (I know it's JenniphER but I like the way she says it. HA! Don't judge me.) I hope they bring her back. Ok...That's all for my honorable mention...Oh...nope...wait...

There's Shaunie. Kaaaaay...Moving right along. The new girl, Tasha! I like her...But I hope she knows that long bang & them furrowed shaped eyebrows ain't foolin' nobody. I can still tell she's cross-eyed! F'real! Can't y'all?!?! She looked like she was trying to focus ...but ...couldn't ...quite... get... them... eyes... on the right track. LOL! I like her though. Now Tami ...Tami ...Tami...You really wanna know why people associate you with negativity all the time??? Wellll...um....It could be that you're so daggum NEGATIVE! Talkin' bout, "I'on knooow....We'ah see what TMZ hasta say...I don't want to keep havin' to induct these broads into the Tami Roman School of 'This Is Who the F I Am'! "....Ok...THAT was funny. But for real, Tami! Who are you that folks have to prove themselves to you, but you don't have to prove yourself to NOBODY! You can TMZ folks 'so you can have a leg up on 'em' but can't nobody ask another chick about you! You're a tad of a bully, Ms. Roman.

Then Susie ol' "When in Tami's presence, do as the Roman do!" tail. Gonna actually ask that woman about her business like that! Put her all out on Front Street at her own dinner table....AND she just got awladat jaw work done too!! Askin' awl nem questions like nem joints can't get dislocated...AGAIN! Woooh! That chile is dumber than a room temperature beer! HAHAHA!!! Chick was heated too...She squared up...looked her straight...well...not STRAIGHT, per say...but as straight she could in the eye & said, "What do you think?" Please, Susie...for the love of your newly renovated grill, DO NOT say what you think!!! PUH-LEASE take some Hush Up A.D. (play on Pepcid A.D.= anti-diarrhea, for all my 'speshul' readers...Meep! Meep!) before you answer that completely rhetorical question! Just politely say 'Nevermind.' & stuff your mouth with some bread, girl! Welp...I guess we're gonna have to tune in next week to see if Susie goes back to her lisp or not! Like Tasha's eyes...until we meet again! HOLLA!!!!

 

Losers, Lovers & Hip Hop Reunion RUN-DIZ-NY-EEEEEEE: Mad Molly Maid

Mmmkay...This is gonna be like Scrappy & Ericka's engagement- Short & not so sweet! Small change first. What in the midnight blue sky kinda lipstick did Ariane have on last night?!?! Since singing in the background didn't work out, is she trying her hand at a villainess of some sort? Lady Lil Lips, maybe?? LOL!! For real though... Lesbi-honest...That lipstick looked like it would make her breath stink, amongst other things. HAHAHAAA! Then there was Karlie Old. She makes me yawn on sight. What is her purpose??? On to the next nonfactor...Shay...You still here? AND you're still upset??? Please build a bridge, honey, & get over it! You WERE the side-chick. It's the 2nd season you've been on...You DO know about Ericka...You knew about her in the 1st season you were on, that's why you kept asking that season what you & Scrap was doing. I ain't gonna say he didn't lie a little...but really? You didn't know? Ok. Just like Kirk & Rasheeda's relationship- it's WHAT-EVERRR. The DJ's also make me want to go to sleep. They need to keep to spinning records cuz spinning good story lines out of nothing is not their thing. Can't believe that corny 'Popcorn' mess popped off! Every time she said it I wanted to stick MY head in a microwave! Moving right along...K. Michelle DID get into it with everybody this season, hunh? She needs to get into it with her hairdresser for that unfinished bob. Didn't it look like there was a little more to be done with it? I mean, of all the weaves she keeps, she chose that one for the reunion show? Still love her though, but f'real...Her weave was red wackness. (Say that 3 times fast. LOL!). Anyhoo, did y'all see the Queen Dee all dressed up & nothing to say? She's a queen alright...Queen of Land Irrelevance. Poor Ericka got all up in her feelings, didn't she. I felt for her. And Scrappy's outfit matched his teeth. Big & white. LOL!! Sleazy J was loving it up &, honestly, had me cracking up. Is he an idiot or a genius? Hard to tell with how stupid he has these women acting. Joseline is honest...I think...Idk cuz it was hard to tell what she was saying when she started crying. Her accent went from bad to worse & I didn't think that was possible. She was like, "Ah din't hab a mudda to teach awladeezdingsanahbinhurandathursme..." WHA-?!? Then here comes Mean Molly Maid Mimi, trying to sound so hard. I. Hate. When. She. Tries. To. Sound. Hard. &. Hood. OMG. STOOOOOP! You're Eva's mom. Just be that, ok? I was weak when Joseline said, "Eet look lak somebudy suck her (tail) up widda strawh." HAHAHAAA! It dooooes!!! SMH! Maybe if they get back cool, K.Michelle can donate some of her butt to her frieneMi. HA! "An' yorh beefcake ees gooh. Doughn leh, Mimi!" Joseline Hernandez is HILARIOUS! I don't think it's Joseline that acts funny with Mimi when Mimi brings her daughter. I do believe it's Mimi who acts funny to Joseline because Mimi is always on the defense around Joseline. I think Mimi doesn't speak, which is her right, & is condescending b/c that's how she is on the show. She's jealous & that's real. But I was glad they could KINDA talk about it yesterday...even after Joseline chucked her Red Bottom at her. Could y'all believe Mimi kept saying she was going to beat Joseline's tail...AGAIN?!? When did that happen?!? I musta missed that episode! Mimi, you are not hard except for on tough stains. Your voice is shaky when you yell & you do not sound confident. Leave the hood wars to K.Michelle, okay, boo?!? Well, that was longer than I thought it would be. Maybe it was even longer than Kirk & Rasheeda's breakup. (Rolling my eyes & tooting my lip...) Like Sneaky J's shenanigans, there's still more to come! Tune in next week for the Reunion Run-diz-ny-eeeee Part 2!

LOOK OUT (for shady bizness deals & closet dwellers) & HIP HOP RUNDIZZY

Sooo....Y'all know how I like to do...Small fries first...Scrappy...Wow. You really were sooo irrelevant on this episode. They could've kept that 'fill the space' clip with yo' mama. She's right, you're always gonna be a 'mama's boy'...the Prince of that castle...which is a 2 bedroom apartment. SMH! I threw up in my mouth a few times & almost stabbed myself in the eyes & ears with a hot screwdriver when Mama D was flirting with the Dog Whisperer. I think he did too. He was trying to be polite...I think....I hope....Or is Scrappy finsta have a Step Fiz-ny-ee younger than him! LOL! That really has got to be embarrassing for the young Scrappy...Anyhoo...DJ Crazy...I mean Traci tried to be funny when she invited Shay to that fashion show Erica was in. Shay was so uncomfortable as she should've been. Liked the way Erica conducted herself cuz it could've got real ugly real quick if she let her emotions lead her but she was a lady. I liked that. Ummm...K.Michelle & Mimi...Really...Mimi...YOU ARE NOT HARD! Hate when she acts like that. It's like watching Halle Berry play a hood role. It's just not believable. She got smacked tough with them flowers tho...LOL!!! That must've been the Pimp Smack Bouquet! HAAAA!! Then Mimi just stood there...Even the most nonviolent of folks would've had some sorta reaction besides, "See? Cuz that's what you resort to cuz you're a whack 'B'!" I can see why Mimi called her that, tho...Cuz she just WHACKED her wit dem flowers. LOL! Mimi was Pitiful Wasted too. LOL! Slurring her words...One eye closed. She looked AND sounded PITIFUL! K.Michelle has a bad way of doing it, but I do think she knows what she's talking about with Kujo...or whatever his name is & she's just trying to let Mimi know. It's all in the delivery, K. If you want someone to receive the message you're giving, then you have to deliver with less attitude. She delivered them flowers tho...Straight to Mimi's sharply chiseled facial structure. Moving right along, Joseline is HI-LARIOUS! She was like "Ah wih keek you rie in your braces!" She will too. CheMack was holding her own tho til she made that tic-tac-toe comment, then Joseline ticked & tagged dat jawline! I don't know why CheMack kept talking! You could tell off rip with her pig tails, bedazzled bra & matching hat that Joseline was not feeling it. Shut your trap, Braces Face! BTW, Joseline, sweetie, it's Brace Face in English, dear...Sneaky J acting like he was trying to be on the up & up...Please, dude...Honest, you are NOT! Speaking of honest...I HONESTly cannot STAND Kirk. Kirk the JERK! I mean really... I think the cameras are saving his life...cuz if I was Rasheeda, I would've put him out of his misery! I hope Rasheeda packed her bags (shout out to K.Michelle;) because he is a TRIP! Who says stuff like that to his WIFE? 'I think you did this to spite me.' WHA-?!? 'I pulled out...' HUNH?!? How EIGHTH GRADE is that, you DUMMY!!! If you got as many kids as you're claiming then you should KNOW that mess don't work! 'Have an abortion.' Y'all are MARRIED, you creep!! You didn't knock up a jump off! You got your WIFE pregnant!!!! MAAAAAAN!! I caught a BAD case of AHWOOSHANOOKAWOOD's watching that mess last nite...I almost slapped MY hubby off GP! Then there's DJ Shady! You ain't get bamboozled &/or hoodwinked by no partner! You ain't got no partner, maaaan!<---In my Martin voice. He took that money & probably paid off some sort of debt or something! He ain't even look mad! He looked like, "Is she buying it?" SMH! She did. Hook, line & sinker...Just like she bought that mess about the store. DJ Traci was mad at him for not having a contract but she should be kinda of mad at herself for not asking to see it herself...but nooooo...she was too consumed with the fear & insecurity of a hoodrat infestation that she didn't ask the important questions. Who just hands over $25,000 without seeing some legal documentation of some sort??? ESPECIALLY to a baby daddy that you can't even trust with your child? HIS child??? Females & their feelings, man...Can't see the forest for the trees! Welp, that's all for this rundown! Like DJ Traci's money, I'm GONE! HOLLA!!

Love (lost) & Hip Hop (but not diss records cuz I'm a Boss Chick & I don't do that!):

I missed y'all last week, but I had to get up on it this week!! First things first...Ok. K.Michelle...hearing about your 'hot pocket' every week AIN'T HOT! Quit trying to make a story where there is none. No pun intended. If Jack Daniel's makes it work, then it works... Maybe you should just stop trying to give it away all willie nillie. Don't nobody want no 'hot pocket' that's been bitten out of by a bunch of random folks anyhow! Ask Jennifer from the Bad Girls Club! LOL!!! Erica & Scrappy broke up. SURPRISE! SURPRISE! Moving right along...---> I always forget about the fatal attraction that is DJ Crazy Girl & her baby daddy drama. "I didn't choose this life! You chose it for me!" with the OOGLY cry face...Yeah, her...He has moved on, honey. He does NOT owe you anything but to take care of y'all's son. He CAN have chicks...as many as he wants! I don't think he should have them around the boy but... When people breakup...they move on...At least, the sane ones do. He lied to you..Ok...What can you do about that now? Oh yeah...that's right...Give him $20, 000+ to invest in a sneaker shop cuz that's what most wounded baby mamas do. (Rolled my eyes so hard just now, I think I pulled my retina.) You're doing this to yourself, baby girl! Anyhoo...um, Mimi with the Comeback Kid. That hat he was wearing in the first scene...Yeah, the homeless guy on 53rd & Main called & told him to KEEP IT! HA!! Mimi done went & got her a Stevie S....Stevie the Sequel. He even tries too hard to exude swag like Stevie...Lickin' his lips n' TRYING to spit smooth game. Be thee aware, Mimi...If it walks like a Stevie & talks like a Stevie, it probably is a Stevie Wannabe. Then again, I think that's just how Mimi wants it. *Shrugs*...Really, Joseline...You gon' try n' fight that 'Ol' Lady'?? I believe Karlie! Benzino was lying up a storm with his no neck havin' self. Y'all see her hit him in the face with those earphones? If he had a neck, she would have hit him in the throat. He was stuttering & couldn't even look her in the eyes...Then again I think one of his eyes is lazy so maybe it was just taking a nap. Then him lookin' all special playing basketball with Rasheeda's boo thang...NOTHING BUT NECK...or not. Teehee... Anywaysss...Joseline really thinks she has arrived how she was dissing that new bucktooth chick...Che Mack? Wait...she's not bucktooth no more...SHE'S GOT BRACES & LOST 10 LBS!!! Who does that?!? She not only sounded thirsty, she sounded famished...like it would take only 30 cents a day to feed her or something! SHEESH! Joseline was like, "Calm down! I don't talk to dee hep." HAHAHAAA!! She was acting like a straight up crackhead on Red Bull popsicles tho...Talking all fast & LOUD..."Is this the Puerto Rican Princess? 'xcuse me?!? 'xcuse me?!? Can I meet you?!?"

Wow. She needed a shot of Ritalin or an open-hand smack to the face or something. Stevie Jerk's gonna hit it tho...Soooo...Poor Rasheeda & Kirk...They're goin' thru...& now she's preggors...SMH! Ain't she like 45? They got grandchillun's n' thangs!! I think this was done purposefully so she could be relevant on the show...Cuz she def wasn't before. She was like I ain't makin' no diss record, cuz K.Michelle too quick a wit for me...But I WILL get pregnant since I know her hoo-ha is on the fritz! LOLOLOLOL!!!! Just kiddiiiing! I wish the best for their family. By the way, Rasheeda, 'agreeance' is NOT a word! SMH! Welp...like Kirk's 4 earrings were on last night's episode, I'm OUT! HOLLAAAAA!!!

Love (LOST) & Flip Flop Rundiz-ny-eeee!

Y'all know how I do...The most irrelevant first. Really Karlie??? You still tryna do the thug-thizzle when you're like 58??? Please stop...Then your cheerleader is Rasheeda? Are you serious? The 'rundown Chillee from TLC' ? What K.Michelle say? "She needs to stick to the rivers and the lakes that she's used to!" LOL!! I am still weak off that! HA!! Karlie, you need to stop chasing waterfalls too, granny, 'fore you go n' break a hip or somethin'...mmkay! Speaking of Rasheeda...All that mess K.Michelle was throwing at you...BEFORE the candle, I mean...& when she said your husband had 3 earrings, THAT'S what made you leap, frog?? You know K.Michelle been abused, she ain't for awladat walkin' up on a soostah...She be havin' flashbacks n' thangs! You found out though when she waxed that tail...Literally. LOL! Then your hubby comeback is, "I got FOUR earrings! Learn how to count!" Oooooh....Good one, Captain Kirk, cuz the MORE earrings you have the LESS gay you are! SMH! And I ain't sayin' he's gay, I'm just sayin' his comeback was drenched in WEAK SAUCE! Anyhoo, Benzino...Are you really spreading lies?? If only you could stretch that neck like you stretch the truth, my man...SMH! I think Joseline deed a lah owf dangs buh Benzino wuss naw one owf deem, okay! She deed nah haf none owf hees beefcake!  HAAAA!!! Mimi...every time she talks, all I hear is, "I'm an idiot! I'm an idiot!" Her mouth says one thing but her eyes tell a-whole-nother pansy-filled story! That rat-face joker put a spell on her or something. Joseline too...but I liked that Joseline ain't afraid to poke him in the cheek & withhold his 30%. LOL! These women....SMH!!! Then there's the special case that is Mama D. Even Scrappy was lookin' like, "I think my moms is really criz-ny-ee wit awl dis kingdom talk!" She is, boo!  But the person who needed to pump their brakes this time was Erica! And she better be glad she did while exiting the garage in her lil red Mercedes, almost running over Mama D & her good striped skinny pants!! LOL! Really tho, Erica was over the top...I mean I know they edit some stuff but, it really looked like she went from 0-60 in 2 seconds flat & she was being extremely disrespectful. I understand Mama D had been disrespectful prior to this little dinner meeting, but they were supposed to be trying to resolve the issues & Erica came off combative from the start. Mama D did need to take a seat too tho with that trying to run back up in the house with her good hip...slow as ever, with that combo hop & limp...Please remember, Queen D, that you are OLD. You're never gonna be faster than a Hoveround with a flat, let alone SECURITY! Y'all see how fast Scrappy called off the engagement tho?!? Dude saw the door to the castle open & he was ready to gallop thru it, OK! His stuff was already packed in anticipation of a blow-up at Dinner With the Rats! "Bettah bring that ring back." In one fail swoop that engagement was broken like Humpty-Dumpty after his fall! & all the Queen's horses & all the Queen's men... & GUARDS! GUARDS! OFF WITH HER HEAD! WHA-?!?! The Prince is back in the kingdom & on his throne, y'all! HAHAHAHAA!!! But for real...I can't help but to think about all that food that was wasted...& that cup of drink that Scrappy knocked over. You really showed that cup, Scrappy! You put dem paws on 'im! BWAHAHAHAAA!! Well, let me make like Erica with that $20,0000+ ring & GET GONE!! HOLLA!!!