N the News 2day: My Vote is Colorblind!

They're gonna do a study to see if the Blacks who want to vote for Obama are only doing so because he's Black. Um...A better question would be are those Whites who want to vote for Romney only doing so because Obama is Black? Hmmm?!? I, personally, am voting for PRESIDENT Obama because he really has MY, the 47% middle class's, best interest in mind. I don't agree with all his views but I do agree with the way he views ME, my coworkers and my loved ones. The candidate I like just HAPPENS to be Black. Not my fault, neither is it HIS! Matter of fact, it's not a FAULT at all! 'Certain' people CRIED when Obama was elected into office...CRIED, I SAY!!!! When has anybody CRIED over a President being elected into office because they thought the country was DOOMED?!? And it sure wasn't just because he is a Democrat because if that was the case, why didn't they cry when Clinton was elected? They CRIED and almost lost their minds because Ob

ama is HALF Black...Now, he is the 'Anti-Christ' and America has been 'OVER-TAKEN'(since Romney feels the need for 'us' to 'take America BACK' o_O). The negative response to having a Black President was so outrageous that they deemed it necessary to make a VIDEO of the reactions of 'certain' people who wanted to leave the country & really thought America was gonna spontaneously combust under PRESIDENT Obama's rule...simply because the country had never had a President of color. (REGARDLESS OF THE 'POLITICAL EXCUSES' THEY TRY TO GIVE TO COVER UP THE 'REAL' REASON! Shoot, some even came right out and said it was because he was Black...Which I would almost rather than the LIES!) Wow. Sure wish folks would stop trying to flip the script & shift the blame.

God's Version of Angry Birds...Not So Fun.

N the News 2day: Boy riding a roller coaster gets hit by a bird. A young boy who was riding one of the fastest roller coasters in Six Flags New Jersey was hit by a bird. The boy said he felt a burning sensation on his neck/shoulder, looked down & seen blood & feathers. WHAT THE WAKA FLOCKA OF FEATHERY CREATURES?!? I don't know what woulda had me screamin' worse, the ride or the bird hitting me on the ride...Surely the latter! I didn't like roller coasters before this story but it def wasn't because I had a fear of getting hit by flying fowl at 55 mph!! Now...call me a bird brain, but I have a NEW reason not to get on those twisted speed demons. Imagine if that bird woulda hit beak first...It coulda still been stickin' out of the tikes neck. *Shivers* Roller coasters are officially for the birds!! #NewVersionofAngryBirds

Walmartians Reach An All New LOW

N the News 2day: I posted this pic yesterday, not knowing how relevant it would be for my 'N the News 2day' bit today. Anyhoo, 2 women are facing child abandonment charges for leaving the baby they brought to Walmart in the cart. The one yr old baby was left in the cart after the 2 women were confronted about shoplifting from the store. The mother of the child was the first to flee, followed by the child's aunt who, at first, dragged the cart with the baby in it, but later let go of the cart & continued running. It was found out that the mother was already on house arrest for a home invasion charge. SMH!!! How you jus' gon' leave your baby though? The loss prevention officer even called after her,"You're leaving your baby! Are you gonna come & get your baby?!?" and the idiot yelled back, "That ain't my baby!" Such a shame! I guess the numb-knucks thought, "Shoplifting charges?!? No way! If I go to jail it's gonna be worth it...I'll leave my offspring in the cart, then I will have earned my arrest!" Stupid heads...One of them falling prices musta fell on their brains! These Walmartians attempted albeit FAILED express check-out got them an express check-IN to the county!! Book 'em, Dano!

N the News 2day: Burger King Fires It's Court Jester

A Burger King employee in Mayfield Heights (Cleveland) was fired after the above picture was taken of him standing, with his shoes on, in tubs of lettuce. It is said that at least 3 employees of the BK were fired after the picture was tracked back to them by a computer geek. Now...What kinda Double Whopper w/cheese, hold the lettuce is that?? Burger King is serving SOLE food now?? LOL! SMH!! Have it your way......oooor the Nike way, hunh? This idiot took the pic as a joke...Well, jokes on u, fool...Now instead of standing in lettuce, you & two of your court jester friends are standing in the unemployment line! I know that was Iceberg lettuce cuz dude is going down like the Titanic! What is this world coming to? Forget Burger King...We need Jesus THE King! Lettuce pray. LOLOLOL!!!

Put On Your Big Boy Briefs & Go To Jail!

Man makes prank phone calls that lands him in jail. A man was arrested for making prank phone calls to women & asking them what kind of underwear they were wearing. If the women refused to talk about their undergarments, he threatened to rape a kid that he claimed he was holding hostage. When officials caught up with the prankster, there were no children but they arrested him for the harassing phone calls. See? Why can't I get phone calls like this? Cuz I would change the sicko's life with my answer. I'd say something like: I wear granny panties. They come up past my pendulum abdomen. (This is a medical term for 'gut that hangs over your belt'.) They cover my Cesarian scar that I obtained after birthin' 2 kids...You know they push them lil boogers thru that little slit?!? Mmmhmm...The keloid scar reeeeallllyyy itches sometimes! My draws are made of 100% cotton! And I like my undies like I like my car insurance...FULL COVERAGE, BABY! Is that sexy enough for you, boo? Because my 6'4, 250+ pound hubby loooooves it! Now...Bubba (from the county) would like to know, boxers...or briefs??? Oh & you get one phone call...Make it count! #NexttimeuseaPRIVATE#,idiot!

Stuck Like Glue...er...BY Glue...

N the News 2day: Woman in Kentucky gets caught in a sticky situation. A woman using the facilities at a Walmart in Kentucky found herself in quite the unusual, embarrassing position. While relieving herself, she realized she was a little ATTACHED to the toilet! Apparently someone had put super glue on the toilet seat & the unsuspecting lady sat &...sat.....&...sat....for about an hour until paramedics could pry her from her porcelain abductor. The victim was taken to the hospital where she received treatment for injuries to her bum from the incident. Officials are unsure if this was an accident or done purposely. UMMMM....How many of us without official police badges know that this was DEFINITELY done ON PURPOSE?!?! Come on, man...I ain't no Sherlock Holmes, but I do know a good....er...BAD prank when I see one...& this was a PRANK to the 3rd power! Could u imagine how the lady must've felt though? Realizing she was stuck...Then, realizing she needed help to get off the toilet...Then, either making that call herself OR having to ask whomever wandered into the restroom to call 911 & explaining that she was stuck to the toilet seat...OMG!! I think I would've just stuffed my mouth with toilet paper to bite down on as I ripped myself from the toilet seat all by my lonesome, cuz I couldn't endure the humiliation...No sir! This is why we all need to listen to at least 2 of the rules our mothers/grandmothers/aunties told us: ALWAYS wear clean, hole-less panties & NEVER sit on a public toilet! SQUAT, girl!!!

TOOTHtino's Pizza Rolls

Girl in Fairborn, Ohio makes a startling discovery while eating pizza rolls. A teenage girl was eating the well-known, well-liked snack, Totino's Pizza Rolls, when she bit down on something in one of the bite-sized treats. She took it out of her mouth & told her parents that it looked like a tooth. The family bagged & took the fragment in question to the dentist. The dentist confirmed it was indeed a tooth...of an animal. The kind of animal is unknown at this time. The company that distributes the pizza rolls said that this is the first report of such a finding. OKAAAAY!!! WHAT THE TRIPLE MEAT?!? A TOOTH OF AN ANIMAL?!?! I mean...it being a tooth of a human wouldn't have made it any better but either way that is gag-me-with-a-fork G-R-O-S-S!!! Had it been me, the distributor woulda been changing the brand name to "JOY-tino's" cuz I woulda sued the pepperoni out of their tails! And this lil dental discovery happened a lil too close to home for me...I'm traumatized! I know they don't know what kind of animal, but I'm hoping it was at least a pig...Cuz that would really be the only logical explanation with the pepperoni &/or sausage...Unless it was a rat from the factory! Yikers!!I just threw up in my mouth a lil bit...I will say that this has helped me to eliminate at least one snack from my junk food repertoire. No more TOOTHtino's for me or my family! The only teeth I want in my mouth is my own!!

N the News 2day: From Rags to Walmart

 Homeless man finds a bag with a surprise in it. The homeless man stumbled upon a trash bag and when he looked in it, he found that the bag contained $50,000!!! For most folks in this man's situation, what to do with the money wouldn't have even been a question. He's HOMELESS!! HOWEVER, the poverty-stricken man TURNED THE MONEY IN!!!! Wow! I'm not homeless but if I found a bag of money...$50,000?!? I ain't so sure I would hand it over to the officials... Shooooot... Finders keepers, losers weepers, right? I woulda straight went into my Tee-Tee from Set It Off voice, "I need this money, Frankie!!" Straight up! I woulda gave God His 10% tho... Anyhoo, the destitute dude turned it in & after some investigation it was determined that the money was clean & the loot was given back to the man. Now, ain't that how God works?!? I sincerely hope the man uses the duckets to get back on his feet! From rags to Walmart! Das what's up!!

Keep Your Nose Clean: Bath Salt Attacks

 N the News 2day: Another person doped up on bath salt has taken a bite out of a human face again, folks.If any time it would be ok to be two-faced it would be now...So you'll have a spare...SHEESH!!!This is starting to get really scary...I mean...Let's face it, these bath salts got folks goin' CLEAN out of their minds! What? No...I didn't mean...I apologize. Let me pick my face up....Wait...Nooo...Let me just shut up to save face...Oh! Aaw,man...that's not what I...nevermind...I feel like I have egg on my face. Tsk...Sorry...Calgon take me away...dang! Don't chew me out...Ugh! Smf-Save My Face<THAT was intentional. Teehee...Sorry...Joking is my coping mechanism...

Men Are Icky!! Not News, Really...Just Proof.

N the News 2day (Don't shoot the messenger!): Men offices are dirtier than women offices. There are more germs found in male-occupied offices than those where the majority of workers are women. A lot of the bacteria in male offices are found on keyboards and in their seats ranging from germs from oral & nasal cavities to those usually found in the digestive tract. O_o Ok. Ew. However, I do understand that this may not be NEWS to anyone. It just felt good to have proven facts to back up our theory that men are, indeed, pigs. LOL!! JUST KIDDING-AH!! Don't go gettin' all sensitive on me! I ain't say it, I just reported it! Now...go wash your hands before you start strokin' that keyboard...it don't know where your nasty little nubs have been...#Jus'nasty!

ALSO N the News 2day! Man Goes Cuckoo For Taco Bell!

Also N the News 2day: Apparently folks are really hungry this week and are going to any means to satisfy their appetite. A man in Huber Heights, Ohio got upset because an employee at a Taco Bell forgot to put one of his tacos in the bag. The man goes Doritos Locos Tacos & drives his truck thru the window of the restaurant! What the Chalupa Supreme?!? U mean to tell me a $1.69 taco was worth THOUSANDS of dollars in damages & a stint behind bars??? It's cool...He apparently likes Taco Bell...A LOT...Won't be much different than the county grub he'll have to get used to...& BONUS!!>> Maybe Big Ben in the pen can teach this dude how to REALLY make a run for the border! Yo quiero some time in jail! #DISAIN'TBURGERKINGBUT...HAVEITYOURWAY!! *shrugs*

CHIPS & DIPS

N the News 2day: There was quite a few stories that caught my interest but let's start with the dumbest one first...2 inmates get charged with second degree felony armed robbery for beating up another inmate & taking his....wait for it....BBQ CORN CHIPS!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?! The 12 oz. bag of chips cost the inmate-turned-victim a whole $2.95 from the jail commissary. The cash bonds for the chip-jacking bandits is set at $5000 EACH! That's a high price to pay for some off-brand BBQ corn chips...I mean...I could see maybe some Fritos...but some Cactus Annie's...Who the Heckuva Dip is dat?!?!? These idiots with an apparent bad case of the munchies could get up to 8 yrs in prison and/or face a $15,000 fine! I wonder who booked 'em...C.H.I.P.S? LOL!! I'll bring the chips, Poncho's got the dips!!

N the News 2day; May 23, 2012

'Titanic' Goes From PG-13 To KO-10(Knock Out)

Man beats the brakes off 10 year old in the movies. The man was trying to enjoy 'Titanic' in 3D with his girlfriend and a couple of people behind him were being rude...talking loud, throwing popcorn and such...So after a few times of asking them to be quiet, the man SNAPS! He climbs over the theater seat and punches the kid, who he claims thought was a grown man. The child suffered a bloody nose and lost a tooth. Ok....Mmmm...well...I can say, I've been there before...Wanted to do that PLENTY OF TIMES!!! This dude shouldn't get a charge, he should get a cape because he's many a movie-goer's hero! Many may say he crossed the line, but there's nothing more annoying than paying $10.50 for a movie and not getting to enjoy it because folks don't know good movie theater etiquette! Yes, it's too bad the victim in this case was a kid...but...er...umm....I would say, "LESSON LEARNED!" And I hope he has the sense to pass the lesson on to his friends and his children!  It was also kind of ironic that the movie was 'Titanic' cause no matter how justified the assailant thought he was, he is still going DOWN!!Keep the violence on the screen, sir! #ButThankYou,FromPreviouslyAnnoyedMoviePatrons

N THE NEWS 2DAY!

N the News 2day: Ya'll know I couldn't wait to post this one! STUDIES SHOW COFFEE DRINKERS LIVE LONGER THAN NON-COFFEE DRINKERS!!!!! GYEAH BOYEEEE!!!! Won't be long 'fore they start pumpin coffee thru IVs instead of that saline stuff...Ok...maybe it will be long, but we're movin' in the right direction! & that wasn't the only positive coffee story in the news. A man fended off a would-be robber with a cup of good ol' bean soup! The victim threw the tasty hot brew in the armed robber's face in the midst of the crime. The assailant shot at the man but missed due to the steamy joe temporarily blinding him. SEE?!? Coffee not only saves lives but it SAVES LIVES!!! HEEEEY!! LONG LIVE COFFEE DRINKERS! COFFEE- IT'S DUTY IS TO PROTECT & BE SERVED!!! COFFEE- MY HERO!!!! I ♥ Coffee!...in case you haven't guessed...