The Hookup

Monday, December 31, 2012

RHOA RUNDOWN: What was up with that Apolling kiss from Apollo?

All those sick of hearing about Koo-Koo Kenya & that man that's NOT hers?!? Raise your hands! Sheesh! The gig is up, chile! He don't want you cause you are cer-tee-fiable, girl! He ain't tryna be the blurred body in the bed on Snapped! He better leave her completely alone cause she will have that man fighting D.V. charges if he breathes too hostilely in her direction. Y'all saw that scene...Dude was talking all regular & she was like "Stop yelling at me!"...Then all that talk about being beat up & 'when a man gets aggressive'...I just hope ol' Walter knows...THERE'S A THIN LIIIIIINE BETWEEN LOVE & CAH-RAZYYYY! RUN, WALTER, RUUUUN! NeNe looked great for her Ebony photo shoot! I would loooove to get that dress so I could look like a million bucks...Literally. I like Porsha...but...Her dude is too much in her business for me. I mean...it'd be one thing if this was a business deal & she was being taken advantage of or something...But this is just a silly cat fight between chicks that don't even know each other for real. Why does he have so much to say? & who'd he get all stabbed up by? Did y'all see all them keloided wounds? Maybe he dated Kenya & that's why he's so adamant about Porsha given her the what-for...I dunno... Yeah...soooo...Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater....tsk, tsk, tsk... Now you KNOW good n' darn well that ain't the strip club you normally patronize! I believe he's been there before, but tain't his regular joint. He took Cynthia to see them Walmartians to throw her off his lil slimy tail! Ol' sneaky silverback! Half them woman was as old as Cynthia or older & didn't look near as good! What is with the Parks? Is Apollo's last name Parks? Who cares? Anyhoo, why was each of them ready to go in on their relationships at the most inopportune times? I mean, Phaedra starts to spill her heart out in the middle of Kandi's awkward house blessing ceremony & Apollo starts rambling on in an 'over 45' strip club! Phaedra was so embarrassed! SMH! She coulda probably crawled into one of them granny stripper's rolls & died! HA!! All them face contortions she was doing! Apollo talkin' bout time restraints, usin' his prison vocab n' such...SMH! Least he's cute. *Shrugs* LOL! 16 months with no sunlight, rain &/or slight breeze?!? Yep...I do believe Apollo gotta dark side we ain't been privy to yet. 16 months? That's enough to make anybody be a little insane in the membrane. Then that whole sloppy kissing scene...Yick! It was a little forced & uncomfortable for me & I was watching it after the fact, in the comfort of mine own home, hundreds of miles away from the ATL...I could just imagine how it was for those who had front row seats to that Lickfest! I bet Phaedra's face was all kinda pasty after that mess! EW! Almost as pasty as I felt when that guy licked me from my chin to my hairline in that club over a decade ago...But that's another story...I digress. Ahem...I must say I was surprised that she wants to still do business with Kenya. But hey...friends close...enemies closer...I guess. I do hope Apollo is not being unfaithful & doesn't break Phaedra's heart though...She don't seem as 'hard' as she has she has made herself out to be. I think that would crush her. Well...like Apollo felt after being in solitary confinement for 16 months when he volunteered for trash detail- it's time for me to be out! HOLLA!!
 

Monday, December 24, 2012

RH(&desperateHousewiveWannabes)OA Rundooooown: Kenya Brings A Whole New Level To Crazy

Mmm...mmm...mmm... Well... Let's see...tain't really much to say. That convo between NeNe & Kandi was much needed...& a little awkward. Greg & NeNe with all that 'riding two-legged horses' talk was grossing me out...again. I will give Greg a whole dollar to never...EVER do that 'giddyup/slappin' the donkey' jig again in this life or the next. Kenya with that pageant-ology...Yeah...Def not the way you apologize, boo. Then again she did say congeniality was not her strong suit. That was ONE thing she didn't lie about...but we'll talk about what she DID lie about in a minute. She is really something else trying to read Cynthia at that little soggy supper with that book. Cynthia is really trying to be hard these days...though...I ain't really understand her lil get-up she wore to the beach. What was with the geek glasses & the winter/fall fedora with beach gear?? Come on, Cynthia...You're the model...You know better than mess like that. Anyhoo, back to Kenya. Porsha made her so mad she went back to the room & busted that huge pimple on the side of her face! I guess since she couldn't POP Porsha, she decided to POP something...Poor, huge, monstrous blemish! 'It's not a tumor!'<In my Arnold Schwarzenegger voice. HA!!! Porsha kept saying 'I didn't call you out of your name!' but you did, sweetie. I don't care how cray-cray Kenya is...you ain't gotta lie! Kenya is more than cray-cray though. Chick is downright & certifiably psychotic! You sittin' here...KNOW you & dude ain't together...KNOW he's just PRETENDING to be your man by YOUR request & you steady tryna make him propose to you FOR REAL! Gonna have fits complete with the ugly cry face, snot & e'erthang! You are coo-coo, girl! Walter better watch out & I hope he keeps all of his pets locked up! I would hate for him to find his bunny boiling on his stove 'cause Kenya is definitely a Fatal Attraction type female! Why did she feel like she had to lie to kick it in the first place? All that feigned confidence went right out the window behind these little shenanigans. Truly confident women don't have to make-up a relationship or beg a man to propose to them. It's really sad & I hope she stays on her meds & continues to seek counseling! Well...that's all I got for now...So like Kenya's sanity...I'm GONE WITH THE WIND!!!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Basketbrawl Wives (& friends & babies' muvvas) Brrrrreakdown:

Sooooo let's just start with the opener. Who do you think should leave the show? I guess everybody is over the Govan Sisters! Is it ironic their last name begins with GO? Peace out, ladies! Though, & I know this is contrary to most viewers views...I like Laura...I knoooow...I dunnooo....I respect that she seen what she was doing, acknowledged it, admitted it & sincerely apologized for it. She gained my 'like' for that. Did y'all see how Wacky Jackie, ONCE AGAIN, made it about her? "I picked me because I know that they all want me to leave..." Man, shut up, Eeyore! Everybody is not out to get you! What's out to get you was them daggone hooker boots & that Walmart bra w/underwire under that pleather trench raindress! Lookin' like Fake-trix... She was maaaaaad when they showed that clip with her daughter! Tryna act like it had been edited & Laura tricked her in some way. That girl KNEW Laura was on a TV show...She KNEW there would be cameras there & she KNEW that she was exposing her mother for who she really is! That was her AIM!! Jackie is STILL steady trying to save face! Mopey-eyed Malaysia kills me trying to act all hard like "They can do what they do! I don't care!" But you diiiiiid! You KEPT trying to hold Kumbaya sessions & mess! I mean, I know that you were just loving how the drama popped off & you had front row seats to it all, but you were FRONTING like you really wanted to keep the peace! What's the purpose? Problem with these chicks is- none of them can hear. Brooke couldn't hear Draya apologize, Bambi couldn't her Gloria's explanation of why she shouldn't speak on Jackie & Laura's relationship & Draya couldn't hear Laura's apology on tape to Jackie PRIOR to the reunion & PRIOR to that lil 'Come to Malaysia' meeting/Last Supper. This is your brain or Reality TV show fame, people. Whoever asked that question to Jackie as to why she's hanging with the 'broke down' chicks. Man, puh-lease! Jackie is the brokest-down of them all! And that question about Doug...Yeah...I think this may have been the last of the Christies' many senseless weddings. How you gonna answer the question "Is your hubby gay?" with uncertainty????? WHA-?!? Um...if you don't know that, I'd say you're in trouble, hon! & if Doug is indeed NOT gay...Wow...He's gonna be a little upset with her response because that "I don't know, I never asked him." came across the airwaves as a big, fat 'YES!' Mmmhmmm...You can tell they into some weird stuff anyway.... Shoooot....Jackie wears her dominatrix get-up on TV! Bambi still had that 'act' going on..."Shimmer that!" Shimmer what? So Draya wants you...And? She's a freak...You look-a like-a man...sooooo...It seems only natural...No shimmer to it really...*Shrugs* By the way, catch Gloria's webisodes one the what? The WEB! That's right! When Bambi was hating she shoulda been like 'But can you do this?' (See pic) HA! Isn't it ironic that Bambi was a boy deer? Just a friendly FYI if you ain't know...Welp, like lil Bambi's mama on the movie, I'm gone! HOLLA!

Monday, December 17, 2012

RH(&Wannabes)OA RUNDOWN: Cynthiarella & Peter Charmings Wedding #2 Minus The Evil In-Laws

K...This is gonna be short, sweet & to the point. Kandi & her dude...They nasty. Ew. <--In my Nicki Minaj voice--> Greg & NeNe...Double Ew. LOL! Greg mentioning that Viagra...then trying to act like he ain't need it cuz Peter rejected it. Talkin' like he 'just happened' to have some. Man...PUH-LEASE! He knows he has an ongoing prescription...with his old self! "What's holdin' you back?" "HUNH?" "What's holdin' you back?" "What's hurtin' my back?" Yeah, Grandpa, you need them & don't forget your Life Alert...Cuz with NeNe 'I Used To Do This For A Living' Leakes, you're gonna need it! Ha! Anyhoo...Um...It is ever-so apparent, now that the cat's out the bag that Walter & Kenya are definitely not an item. They are very awkward. And you can always count on NeNe "Sniff-Out-A-Rat" Leakes to be the one to call attention to some stuff like that. Kenya's reaction to the whole thing said it all. You're not gonna get nothing past NeNe "Interrogator" Leakes. She couldn't even keep her lies straight! Then the argument that ensued...NeNe "Instigator" Leakes done it again! Porsha & Kenya said they moved on! Leave it at that! You don't have to know what happened, even though you already do, Ms. NeNe "Nosey" Leakes! They're trying to bury the hatchet & here you go trying to dig it back up! Let sleeping dogs lie, NeNe, dang! Porsha wanted to pop that pimple on the side of Kenya's oily head so baaaad! LOL!! Neither one of them had witty comebacks...Kenya had one good one when she told Porsha to read a book...cuz chick is a bit dense... Other than that I was thoroughly disappointed in the lack of wit in the banter betwixt the ladies. Kenya actually made sense in her points though... Just like Porsha is upholding her grandfather's legacy, she has the right to uphold hers...as Miss Detroit/America/U.S./Bonkers or whatever. Just when I was like, "Ok, Kenya...You're making sense..." She did that drag queen turn & made that ''Gone With the Wind'' statement & I literally seen the one fly over the cuckoo's nest. Then the dramatic spinning exit...Yeah...She is definitely one crown short of a Miss Sane Pageant...I think Ms. Lawrence taught her that move...aaand he shouldn't have.  ANTYWAAAYSSS ...Ending this on a lovely note...That was soooo sweet of Peter to do that for Cynthia! It was beautiful...Even more beautiful than that extravagant first wedding they had. It was simple. Their true friends (well, SOME) were there. Peter was lookin' like a California Raisin dipped in yogurt in all that white. I loved it! It definitely felt more real & less forced than the first wedding. I'm not superstitious... but it was kinda weird & a little messed up as well as symbolic... & being that Kenya & Walter's lantern crashed & burned, that Kandi's & her boo's did too. The only two that did...Hmmm... Welp, like the successful flight of the rest of the lanterns... I'm gone! HOLLA!!!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

RATCHETBALL Wives (& friends) BREAKDOWN: Finale & Reunion Part 1

WHAT IS UP?!? Like Wacky Jackie's mind, I been slippin' lately & I apologize! There's soooo much to talk about, so let me just jump right in! I don't care what nobody says, as much as she tries to put on the Penny Peacemaker act, she is Messy Malaysia! How are you gonna, at one point, be like Rodney King, 'Can we all just get along?' and the next be in Draya's room tellin' all the business, that doesn't concern y'all? They wanna blame Jackie for always playing both sides of the fence, but Malaysia is her teammate. For real...Don't let the big, toothy smile fool ya! She is just as much a shiest as Jackie & Laura. I could tell Jackie was really feeling what she was saying about her kids, but just like Laura, I ain't tear up neither. This is what shoulda came out prior to all the stupid shenanigans. Then Jackie was only hurt because her daughter told her what she told Laura about the messed up things she did to her daughters. She tried to correct it on camera when she was like, "And she said, 'You were a good mom to us!' She told me that's all she called you for to tell you I was a good mom." If she had in fact said that, why would Jackie have been so upset? I respect that Laura told Jackie her original intentions and she kept it real on the reunion too. She was evil, at the time, and was on some revenge stuff. I believed and felt for Laura more than I did for Jackie because Jackie was still trying to save face. We know, even in Laura's case 'Hurt people, hurt people.'...& Bipolar Brooke must be REALLY hurt cuz she wants to hurt people all the time! She goes from 0-60 in 2 seconds flat! I'm turned off to Brooke...Draya tried to talk to her (SOO MANY TIMES) & she was still like, "You look pathetic to me." And you look stuffed in that dress (at the dinner), is what I woulda said, but Draya wasn't trying to get her Tinkle Bell face smashed in so she tried to keep it together. Neither was Gloria! She kept talkin' AND kept right on walkin' off that bus! LOL! Bambi wasn't havin' it! She was gonna let that Compton loose all over her. The Govans & Brooke are messy as ever too! All that checkin' up on & Mean Girl tactics are ridiculous. I mean, once you found out whether or not Draya 'worked' or not, what exactly was you gonna do with that info? What would it have changed?? Watchin' the show back brought crazy tension to the reunion. It's always funny to me on the reunions, because don't these chicks know that what's done & said on the show, during the confessionals, "at the end of the day" everybody's gonna see it come the reunion?? Why attempt to be underhanded & backbiting? Wait...Y'all smell that?? Well, if y'all don't Gloria does because it's HERSELF & she was smelling herself all last night! I'M the 'REASON' for this spin-off...True...but puh-lease! If you were awladat, you woulda been sittin' right next to the host like Shaunee does. You're not, so you weren't! Jackie with that pleather raindress...Really? 'You look like you smell!" HA! Laura is fuh-larious...aaand on point. Jackie does look stinky. Loved Draya's hair, Malaysia looked beautiful, liked Laura's look, Gloria's lipstick was poppin' (though a little out of her lip line), Brooke looked really nice & elegant & she kept her pitbull persona chained up........then there was Bambi. Was her demeanor an act that she tried to match up with her outfit? I mean she had that fake bougie accent & kept saying stuff like, "I'm blonde! I'm fabulous! I have shimmer!", with that horrible weave that she kept strokin' ...Pettin' it like she was trying to keep it sleep or something...Wha-?!? She lookeded<Yes, lookedED>like Compton's version of Jessica Rabbit- Messyca Ratchet. I didn't get it. AT ALL. Anywhoo...There you have it folks...Quite the lengthy breakdown but that's what you get when they run two shows back to back like that. *Shrugs* HOLLA!

RHOA RUNDOOOOOWN: Kenya Goes Too Far...Or Not?



I know that I have been slippin' y'all & I sincerely apologize! There's been sooo much goin' on, not only in MY life, but in the lives of these wives...er...wannabe wives. Well except for Cynthier...& who? Who?? Oooh, Kim! Kim....with the bad wigs...Yeah...Well she made like the ends of her real hair & split! Sees ya on the flip side, Kimbo...You too, Celie...I mean Sweetie...You will not be missed! Just remember this show made you relevant...& your departure will surely bring you back down to your original state. Though, I must say, I feel her to a certain extent. Your family should be your main priority, but you don't have to lie to NOT kick it. Then to make that dramatic exit like somebody did something to her! Like Kandi's mama said, "If she could do what she did to her own mother, then why be surprised when she flips on you?!?"<---I know that wasn't verbatim, but it was the gist! I threw up the peace sign so tough I pulled a muscle in my wrist! Anyhoo, moving right along. Greg & Nene are still making me ill. I dunno...it's just gross to me. I mean, more power to real love & everything but when he be flirkin'...Yes, flirKin'...it makes me wanna hurl. He just seems like a dirty ol' man...All that left eye, right eye, poppin' open talk when referring to seeing Cynthier's escapees...YYYICK!!! Nene & them head wraps that she kept flippin' like it was hair. Really? And why is Peter the only dude that does the confessionals? Ok. Enough of the small talk! Let's get to the couples that were the spotlight stories! Phaedra with that...um...swimsuit? I guess she was trying to make a point...or something. I dunno...um...but that donkey caught in a net was a bit much to be wearing around other women's men. I'm just sayin'. AND they were BLACK men...Which most, if not all, are Donk-ologists in their own rights. I didn't think that was really cool. She shoulda thought more about her hair, cuz it's been a lil wack this season. Don't get me wrong I like Phaedra, but just cuz I like her don't mean I'm not gonna tell the truth. Antywaaaayz.....LAWD!! That Kenya (needs to know less is) Moore!! She is somethin' else! She shoulda been snatched up when she made her hills come alive in front of Peter like that! But then to be flirkin...Yes, flirKin...with every dude that was NOT HER dude was CRAZYYY! I know she's like 48<intended exaggeration> but she was actin' like a hot-tailed teenager! Then she wonders why she's not married yet! Just heard on the radio, y'all, that Tow Truck Tommy ain't even & was never her true boo! Das what I heard! Mmmmhmmm...So she is just as perped out as any man on that boat that tried to act like they wasn't lookin' at Phaedra's booty in that mesh! LOL! But lemme play devil's advocate for a second...Do you think that with the way Phaedra talks, along with that daring (everything OUT)fit made Kenya think that it was alright to approach her with that question?? Did the Donkologist, Ph. D.'s openness backfire? I'm just sayin' we need to watch what we put out there because the way we present ourselves might give others the assumption that we're on some stuff that we are not on. Kenya def woulda got dealt with had it been me...but I like to be fair & see everybody's view.Well, I gotta make like the previously proposed business venture between Phaedra, Apollo & Kenya (the donkey workout video) & bid farewell! HAA!! HOLLA!