Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Love & Hoodbunny (Hip Hop) Sum Up

 I felt that lil heart to heart between Erica & her mama, Mingnon...but the big question here is...What's a Mingnon? LOL!! I'm just kidding-ah! Her mama talked like she had a lot of sense! Unlike Scrappy's mama, whom we missed this episode. Mama Dee, as crazy as she is, I was kinda disappointed that she didn't have no air time. She is entertaining...& she is def on that Bobby/Whitney! Anyhoo...moving right along>>>Mimi is still stupid...Even if she was a smidgen smart to demand to get paid, why is it you can be bought??? Ladies, your dignity should PRICELESS!! Money can be made, but my heart can't keep gettin' played! Then she kept insisting that (not so) Sneaky J 'look her in the eye' & LIE to her...again...even AFTER he SHOWED her what was what on the last episode! Actions speak OCTAVES louder than words, boo boo! THEN when he did what he does best - lies to her face, looking her dead in her eyes- she says,"I don't believe you!" THEN WHAT WAS YOUR POINT FOR AWLADAT?!?! If you ain't gonna be thru, you ain't gonna be thru! STOP with all the shenanigans & the dramatic performances! Regardless of how much you sell your heart & soul for, you've still sold out...so be it! Hope it's all worth it in the end. I also hope your kid knows her worth so she doesn't feel she can be bought. *shrugs* It's bad enough he's cheating...but then without protection??? Impregnating his jump-offs? That's CRAZYYYY & STUPID!! It's way more stupid than that mini-video of Rathanna taking the pregnancy test! Snakey J steady denying that he slept with...Wait...He didn't deny that he SLEPT with her...He just said that he 'wasn't SLEEPING with her', like...at this present time...SMH! Anyhoo...it will all come out in the DNA test, scumbag! It's not a coincidence he looks like a rat, y'all! He is low down & dirtaaaay!! Welp...That's all I gotta say about that! Let me make like Mama Dee's mind & GET LOST! HOLLAAAAAH!!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Put On Your Big Boy Briefs & Go To Jail!

Man makes prank phone calls that lands him in jail. A man was arrested for making prank phone calls to women & asking them what kind of underwear they were wearing. If the women refused to talk about their undergarments, he threatened to rape a kid that he claimed he was holding hostage. When officials caught up with the prankster, there were no children but they arrested him for the harassing phone calls. See? Why can't I get phone calls like this? Cuz I would change the sicko's life with my answer. I'd say something like: I wear granny panties. They come up past my pendulum abdomen. (This is a medical term for 'gut that hangs over your belt'.) They cover my Cesarian scar that I obtained after birthin' 2 kids...You know they push them lil boogers thru that little slit?!? Mmmhmm...The keloid scar reeeeallllyyy itches sometimes! My draws are made of 100% cotton! And I like my undies like I like my car insurance...FULL COVERAGE, BABY! Is that sexy enough for you, boo? Because my 6'4, 250+ pound hubby loooooves it! Now...Bubba (from the county) would like to know, boxers...or briefs??? Oh & you get one phone call...Make it count! #NexttimeuseaPRIVATE#,idiot!

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Stuck Like Glue...er...BY Glue...

N the News 2day: Woman in Kentucky gets caught in a sticky situation. A woman using the facilities at a Walmart in Kentucky found herself in quite the unusual, embarrassing position. While relieving herself, she realized she was a little ATTACHED to the toilet! Apparently someone had put super glue on the toilet seat & the unsuspecting lady sat &...sat.....&...sat....for about an hour until paramedics could pry her from her porcelain abductor. The victim was taken to the hospital where she received treatment for injuries to her bum from the incident. Officials are unsure if this was an accident or done purposely. UMMMM....How many of us without official police badges know that this was DEFINITELY done ON PURPOSE?!?! Come on, man...I ain't no Sherlock Holmes, but I do know a good....er...BAD prank when I see one...& this was a PRANK to the 3rd power! Could u imagine how the lady must've felt though? Realizing she was stuck...Then, realizing she needed help to get off the toilet...Then, either making that call herself OR having to ask whomever wandered into the restroom to call 911 & explaining that she was stuck to the toilet seat...OMG!! I think I would've just stuffed my mouth with toilet paper to bite down on as I ripped myself from the toilet seat all by my lonesome, cuz I couldn't endure the humiliation...No sir! This is why we all need to listen to at least 2 of the rules our mothers/grandmothers/aunties told us: ALWAYS wear clean, hole-less panties & NEVER sit on a public toilet! SQUAT, girl!!!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012


Love & Hoodbunny Breakdown: Y'all knew it was coming! I could not let this HOODRATchedness happen & not go in like I do...MAAAAAAN!! What type of speshulness was that last nite, y'all??? First, we got the chick, MiMi, who gets a house, KNOWS the house is to get her out the way so her 'man' of 15 yrs, Stevie J, can do what he do, but STILL sticks around talkin' bout, "I ain't on it...He's gonna hafta make a choice..." MAN, he ain't BEEN on it for 15 YEARS if he ain't married you yet! He TOLD you to your face IN the new house, he ain't tryna be about that family life! And she still wanna 'let him know in a coupla days'...WHAT THE WHAT?!? At least Chrissy was smart enough not to have a kid by her hip hoppin' D-O-double G! Then he, Stevie J, is jus' ignorant with it!  Just all on camera feelin' on this ran-down Rihanna wanna-be, Joseline! Then SHE, or whatever it is, is gonna cancel him in that STAGED club scene for chasing after his woman! Then he canceled her back outside the club...Um...Where did he get that drink from? STAGED!! (Don't Stevie J look like he smells something stankin' all the time?) Moving on... Scrappy...I mean...there's a likeable quality about him...til you get to his mama...Then, I'm just SCURRED...Erica:"Did you take your medication today?" Mama Dee: "No...I haven't taken it for about 5 days." WHAT THE SCHIZOPHRENIA?!? I'ma need you to stay on your meds, Mama Double D (for Delusional & Delirious) because you are scaring me! She makes Mama Jones (Jimmie's mama) look like freakin' Claire Huxtable, man! Then the video quality of the show itself...It looks like a cheap...er version of a Master P movie. All the lame butt-shots & mini videos...Love & Hip Hop Atlanta is a true train wreck and I'm only gonna watch so I can run it down e'ery week. Man...What I won't do for my readers...SMH!

(Rihanna)I must admit, the resemblance is uncanny....

But there's a resemblance here too...John Leguizamo as Chi-Chi in "To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar." LOL!

TOOTHtino's Pizza Rolls

Girl in Fairborn, Ohio makes a startling discovery while eating pizza rolls. A teenage girl was eating the well-known, well-liked snack, Totino's Pizza Rolls, when she bit down on something in one of the bite-sized treats. She took it out of her mouth & told her parents that it looked like a tooth. The family bagged & took the fragment in question to the dentist. The dentist confirmed it was indeed a tooth...of an animal. The kind of animal is unknown at this time. The company that distributes the pizza rolls said that this is the first report of such a finding. OKAAAAY!!! WHAT THE TRIPLE MEAT?!? A TOOTH OF AN ANIMAL?!?! I mean...it being a tooth of a human wouldn't have made it any better but either way that is gag-me-with-a-fork G-R-O-S-S!!! Had it been me, the distributor woulda been changing the brand name to "JOY-tino's" cuz I woulda sued the pepperoni out of their tails! And this lil dental discovery happened a lil too close to home for me...I'm traumatized! I know they don't know what kind of animal, but I'm hoping it was at least a pig...Cuz that would really be the only logical explanation with the pepperoni &/or sausage...Unless it was a rat from the factory! Yikers!!I just threw up in my mouth a lil bit...I will say that this has helped me to eliminate at least one snack from my junk food repertoire. No more TOOTHtino's for me or my family! The only teeth I want in my mouth is my own!!

Monday, June 18, 2012

Father's Day Card Idea

I got this magnificent idea for a Father's Day card from a friend's post on Facebook. I thought it was such a neat card idea, I couldn't pass it up. It was one of the most...okay..it was THE most expensive card I ever made, but it was easy & fun to do.
It says: Dear Neo, We were going to give you a 'Whopp'ing '100 Grand' for Father's Day, but the $ slipped thru our 'Butterfingers'. We didn't have an 'Extra' 'Rice Krispie Treat' to sell & it wasn't 'Payday'. We didn't think a pet 'KitKat', a trip around New 'York' , or an 'Orbit' around the 'Milky Way' would be appropriate. We did want to give you 'Mounds' of '100 Grand's but we don't & (probably) won't have that kinda $ 'Now or Later'. However, as you eat this card, we hope it doesn't make you 'Rolo'ver & get sick. If it does, we promise not to 'Snicker'. Love your favorite 'SweeTarts', 'Almond Joy' & the 'Sour Patch Kids'.
I hope to use this design again for another occasion, as it's way to unique, fun, creative idea to only use once!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

N the News 2day: From Rags to Walmart

 Homeless man finds a bag with a surprise in it. The homeless man stumbled upon a trash bag and when he looked in it, he found that the bag contained $50,000!!! For most folks in this man's situation, what to do with the money wouldn't have even been a question. He's HOMELESS!! HOWEVER, the poverty-stricken man TURNED THE MONEY IN!!!! Wow! I'm not homeless but if I found a bag of money...$50,000?!? I ain't so sure I would hand it over to the officials... Shooooot... Finders keepers, losers weepers, right? I woulda straight went into my Tee-Tee from Set It Off voice, "I need this money, Frankie!!" Straight up! I woulda gave God His 10% tho... Anyhoo, the destitute dude turned it in & after some investigation it was determined that the money was clean & the loot was given back to the man. Now, ain't that how God works?!? I sincerely hope the man uses the duckets to get back on his feet! From rags to Walmart! Das what's up!!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Basketball Wives Reunion Rundown

Y'all read it right! I have titled this lil review its rightful name. After the last two shows (reunions), the ladies really have shown themselves worthy of a lot more respect. I mean, some are still a trip & are just putting on a 'show' because everybody else was being decent & because Shaunie has turned Mother Theresa on 'em, but at least they were able to keep it up for the duration of the reunion show. Mmmkay...first things first....Why was Kenya on the show again? Still mad they never addressed the fish thing. I LOVE a good prank & it seems wasted since they never brought it back up. *shrugs* Moving right along...Suzie tried to make herself 'relevant' at some point during the show...Everybody had on their nice girl attitudes & here comes Suzie flying all off the handle, "F#$& you, Kesha! Shut the f#$& up!" Really, Suzie? You ain't said nothing the entire show & the first thing you say gotta be gangster-laced? It was like the Tami demon took over her body or something. The tapes show that you talk too much. You & your lisp are all too eager to "run tell dat" all the time. You might not have said what Kesha said you said but you have said a lot! Don't get mad because your track record that YOU have set. Good job, Royce, on your acting gig....& on the stage play too. LOL! That scene with her and her daddy...that breakdown...that ugly cry face...Yeah...seemed a little dramatic to me...but that's just me...Or is it? Kesha! I hear you, girl! You found your voice and it only took you ALL season! Tami is so full of it..."I just wanted you to say what you wanted to say...I wasn't going to get mad...I just wanted you to have a voice." Then when Kesha started talking, it took everything Tami learned in anger-management & the thought of a lawsuit not to come across that stage on poor Kesha. It's apparent you haven't changed, Tami, because you still won't own up to taking ol' girl's purse and bullying her. So you ain't changed yet...You just had a 'Come to Jesus' meeting with Shaunie, your lawyer & your heart doctor right before the show. You're still Tami the Bully. NOOOOOW...The moment you've all been waiting for...........drumroll, please......... JENNIPHA & EVELYN!!! (Sidenote: Shaunie, there is a significant difference in getting reckless with your mouth and with your hands. I don't care for how Jennipha tends to handle things but truth is truth. Friends or foes...If you put your hands on me, we are no longer friends, we're foes & anything goes when it comes to foes! Nia, Niya...whatever is a grown woman & chose to assault someone ON TAPE!! I do feel like the charges will be dropped but they knew how Jen was before that incident, so Nia/Niya Badwig should've handled herself a little better than that. Period.) Anyhooooo, on to the bright note of the reconciliation of Jen & Ev. This was the point that made me say...ok...maybe I should remove the ratchet title cause they're growing up! Many are saying that the lie detector questions were stupid but I disagree. They were quite relevant & asked the IMPORTANT questions. Do they miss their friendship? & Is Jen jealous of Chad & Ev's relationship? Those questions/answers got to the core of the problem. Just like in the core of an apple, the seeds of their problems were planted underneath all that other mess. I was sincerely touched by them coming together...and I ain't gonna lie cause I ain't ashamed...I shed a tear or two...maybe three...maybe I even almost had the Royce ugly cry face...It was freakin' touching, man...& anybody who didn't tear up just ain't got no heart, or they're men. All that time wasted...all the hurtful things said and all these ladies had to do was be honest and say, "I'm hurt & I miss you...I miss 'us'." But hurt makes you do & say hurtful things sometimes when you don't know how else to express it. Maybe if we all could record our lives & play it back so that we could see the folly of our ways or take polygraph tests to help convey our true feelings, we may just be able to make amends with important people in our lives...Maybe we could mend meaningful, valuable relationships. Maybe. I can't wait to see what Season 5 BASKETball Wives brings...Until next season, BW fans...or until Ratchetball Wives LA. What? Them hood bunnies ain't earned their title yet! LOL! #Allthislove,there'sgottabesomehatethrownupinheresomewhere! HOLLA!!!
Just look at Evelyn's face...All that pain...So glad she allowed herself to recognize it, feel it & let it go.

Monday, June 11, 2012

My Conversation With Kyle Minor

Kyle Minor, Author of In The Devil's Territory

Conversation with Kyle Minor
By Joy Quarmiley

            First, I would like to thank you so very much for taking time out to allow me to have this conversation with you. I am honored and I hope to do you justice.

Second, I want to congratulate you on the win of the 2012 Iowa Review Prize for Short Fiction for your story “Seven Stories About Kenel of Koulev-Ville”. I also read that you’re a three-time honoree in The Atlantic Monthly Student Writing Awards and a winner of Random House’s Twentysomething Essays by Twentysomething Writers contest, where your short story, “You Shall Go Out With Joy & Be Led Force With Peace”, was featured. Not to mention all of the magazines you’ve been featured in! Those are all great achievements for such a young writer (I’m 35, so, yes, we’re young! ;) and many were accomplished before you were even published! That’s amazing!

 Your novella In the D evil’s Territory is quite a hot commodity. I had to order it to get my hands on a copy, which I am still anxiously waiting on. Every copy in the libraries in the state of Ohio was checked out and had a lengthy waiting list. I hope to be that popular of a writer one day.

Now, let’s converse…I’m going to start with the basics first.

I know that you were inspired by many books and writers, like Nabokov & Kate Bernheimer but how did it come about that you really determined that writing was your passion?
I started out writing for magazines, and while I was writing for magazines I began to get interested in literature. I was reading rather haphazardly. Someone would tell me about Don DeLillo, so I’d read all of his books, straight through, in chronological order. Then I’d find out Donald Antrim liked DeLillo, so I’d read all his books. I was working my way, sideways, through contemporary literature. These books were making me feel things, and I wanted to make things that made other people feel things.
You write both fiction and nonfiction, correct? Which do you think is more difficult to write? Why?
I think that fiction, along with poetry, is the higher calling, and also that it generally attracts the better writers. Most of the better writers of nonfiction also write fiction or poetry, and that’s why they’re better writers – they’ve appropriated from fiction and poetry. But I don’t think it’s usually very easy to write anything well. Most good things come slowly.
Which genre do you prefer?
I read in all the genres. I love books in all of them.
What is your writing process?
Right now, it’s summer, and I don’t have to teach, so I get up around six in the evening, play with my kids until eight. If there’s a basketball game on, I’ll watch it until eleven-thirty or so. If not, or when it’s over, I get to work, and I work until around eight in the morning. Then I play with my kids for awhile. Then I go to bed. Then I do it again the next day. I’m doing this seven days a week right now. It’s great.
How do you find time to write, attend readings all over and still mentor aspiring artists?
I say no to as many things as I can. And I choose to spend my time writing instead of doing other things that are more pleasurable.
Like I said before, you achieved many high accolades prior to being published. Was it difficult to get published?
It’s not difficult, in this age, for anyone to get published. What’s difficult is to make something that is worth the reader’s time. If you attend to that, you’ll find a good home for your work.
How was your experience with editing, with Okla Elliott, The Other Chekhov
It was great. We read all 13 volumes of Constance Garnett’s Chekhov translations, and then we picked the ones we liked the most. We found that there was a grittier Chekhov lurking among the popular “subtle” Chekhov, in stories such as “Gusev,” “The Murder,” “The Two Volodyas,” and so on. We liked this Chekhov better than the Chekhov of “The Lady with the Lapdog.”
I read that you were named in The Columbus Dispatch in their “20 Under 30 Artists to Watch” in 2007. I imagine that being so young, maybe other ‘experienced’ authors may not really give you a lot of credit or it may be difficult for them to accept that you’re so well established so early on in life. Is this a barrier for you? What other barriers, if any, do you encounter in this profession- personally or professionally?
I’m not so young anymore. I’m 35, and there are a lot of younger writers who have had more worldly success. No one seemed to be bothered by my age when I was younger.
Do you have any suggestions to help me become a better writer? If so, what are they?
Read everything, and devote your whole life to writing. Hardly anyone is willing to do those two things.
Your novel, The Sexual Lives of Missionaries, is due to make its much anticipated debut in the spring. Do you have any other projects lurking in the wings?
I don’t think it will be out until 2014 or so. It’s not yet gone to market – probably this fall is when my agent will sell it. When it’s done, I’ll write another one.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Keep Your Nose Clean: Bath Salt Attacks

 N the News 2day: Another person doped up on bath salt has taken a bite out of a human face again, folks.If any time it would be ok to be two-faced it would be now...So you'll have a spare...SHEESH!!!This is starting to get really scary...I mean...Let's face it, these bath salts got folks goin' CLEAN out of their minds! What? No...I didn't mean...I apologize. Let me pick my face up....Wait...Nooo...Let me just shut up to save face...Oh! Aaw,man...that's not what I...nevermind...I feel like I have egg on my face. Tsk...Sorry...Calgon take me away...dang! Don't chew me out...Ugh! Smf-Save My Face<THAT was intentional. Teehee...Sorry...Joking is my coping mechanism...

Why Kids Still Need Whippings

Went to pick up my boy the other day from a friend's house. A little boy about the age of 4 comes up to the car and looks in...Then he turns to his friend and says, "She's fat!" He then turns back to me, walks back up to my window, puts his grubby little hand over his raggedy-toothed mouth and snickers. 
He will probably not say anything like that again because he now believes that all fat people are that way because they eat little blonde crumbsnatchers with big mouths. #AtleastIain'tputmyhands...ormycaronhim.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

I Man'I'festo

My Manifesto
By Joy Quarmiley
I enjoy writing because I enjoy sharing. Sometimes it’s my own thoughts I share and at times it has been others’ thoughts that I felt were significant enough to share. I like to make valid points in my writings. Provide a message. The things I tend to write about are my family, my children…These are, to me, though very much the same, still quite different in the way that I think about them and talk about them in my writings. I’ll explain further in a moment. I also tend to write about television (shows, especially ‘reality’), moral dilemmas/thoughts, and just interesting everyday happenings at work or wherever funny or interesting things happen. If it amused me, I assume it will amuse everybody.
            I write about my family and my childhood memories with them, because those were the happier, less stressful times. There are times in my stories that I might be writing fictionally but throw in a nonfictional incident that happened with me and my siblings. I think of my family all the time and often times find it difficult not to want to write about them.
            Like I said, my children are on a different brainwave and in a special, separate heart chamber than my ‘family’. I talk mostly about my ‘family’ in past tense. What ‘used’ to be…How it ‘was’… I tend to write about my childhood. When I write about my children I write about now. I write about my motherhood and their childhood. I believe I write about them with a different kind of joy…A motherly love. This is why I can’t include them entirely in the term ‘family’ though they are indeed that to me. Then there’s my husband who rides solo on his own nerve…er..um…brainwave. J (Love you, babe!)
            I love writing about reality television (this includes the daily news/headlines). I like to write up funny critiques and thoughts that everybody else out there in Couch Potato Land is thinking. I throw in little bits of actual knowledge here and there to keep my readers grounded, but like the show I write about, it’s all for entertainment purposes only. If a reader gets hold of one of the seeds I plant amongst all the jokes and broken language, I’ve accomplished much more than I originally set out to do.
            My moral dilemmas/thoughts writings are where I am purposefully planting seeds. I joke a lot but I do have a serious side and I like to show ‘her’ every once in a while. I want my readers to know that I do know and understand everything is not a laughing matter. I talk about everything from spirituality to parental concerns. I like tapping into my more serious side every now and again…I like to think I tell the truth and keep it 100% real and hope that anyone who reads my deeper, more serious thoughts gets that.
            You can also find a lot of my everyday run-ins in my writings. If I laugh at it, I want you to laugh at it. If my mouth hit the floor in disbelief, I want your mouth to hit the floor. If I cried…I want you to console me. J I was the kid that looooved Show & Tell. If I found something in my huge four acre yard, like the tomato bug I found once, no matter how afraid of it I was, I would jar it up and bring it in. (There I go mentioning childhood memories.) I think that’s why I took so vastly to Facebook once I discovered it. You mean I can post my every thought…my every day happenings…Jokes about my workplace ‘characters’?!?!? I was on it…am on it! Addicted. I have even gotten to the point that if something happens that is way interesting, I have said to myself, “I can’t wait to post this on Facebook!” Then I started my blog (www.j-quiz.blogspot.com) and all I got to say is, the blog world is no longer going to be the same. I need to just go ahead a set up an account on it to get paid because I will be blogging a LOT. If you’re interested, please visit and become a follower.
            Well, I guess I put the ‘I’ in my man’I’festo. These are the reasons I write. If I couldn’t write about these things, I could only imagine the mess the explosion of my brain would cause. I honestly don’t know what I did with all my thoughts prior to some of these outlets. I mean I, at times, wrote poetry…but I have never written like I am currently writing. And I’m not going to sit here and front…Facebook sparked my desire to write. However, I do know, by the monster that’s been unleashed since the creation of my Facebook account, writing has been embedded and was lying dormant in me for quite some time. My Facebook friends encouraged me to start taking my writing seriously and I am now enrolled in a Master’s program with a Major in Creative Writing. I’m glad I listened.

Ratchet Reunion Rundoooown (Basketball Wives)

WHAAAT?!?! These chicks really seem to have had some sort of exorcism or something. Priest Shaunie musta soul-checked them soostas and told them to get their act together or she would be withholdin' some payments or something. Either that or Jennifah's lawsuits were enough to EX-OR-CISE THE DEMON cause Tami and Ev was really....um....different....'growing' is what they kept calling it. Well, grow on, ladies! Grow on! Though it was visible to the viewing audience with working eyeballs whenever they had to check themselves. Their eyes would get that glaze and lips would twitch and they would span right back to the host without blinking. I believe Tami might've even had cue cards or was reading from a teleprompter or something cause she was very politically correct and almost....kind...yeah...scary. I'm glad Evelyn had the Big Bang Theory covering up her evil eyes and furrowed brow! I'm sure she only has half a tongue left after biting it for the second half of the show when Queen Jennifah finally made her dramatic, late entrance onto the stage. Evelyn's bun probably exploded when she got back to her dressing room. Jennifah's so extra...from her height, to them ears, to her bottom lip, to elongated neck with that Adam's apple...I know she's from like New York or something but she's built like a Texan...cause everything's bigger...LOL!! She just keeps getting more & more bougie! For real...you have to start off in the back and then have bodyguards to escort you to the stage?? PAH-LEASE!! Jennifah could punch her attackers OVER them lil action figures' heads! Are you kidding me?!? At least she did apologize... somewhat. Somebody needs to teach her that REAL apologies have no 'buts' though.  Kenya's still stupid and crazy & like Royce and Suzie, only took up space on the stage. Poor Kesha...Her nerves are still on the edge, just like she was on her chair the entire show...She was always sitting in 'ready to run' position. Poor chile...She just needs to tell Tami off one good time, windmill her way through the fight (that will surely ensue) and regain some of her backbone...I mean, I respect that she's not a savage, but when you talk so much stuff, be ready and women enough to back that mess up. Don't play the dumb role, like "I don't know what you're talking aboouuuut....Did I say thaaaat?...Who told you I said thaaaat?" I can't stand when folks don't own up to their mess. Put your hands on your hips and say it with your chest, "Yeah...I said x, y AND z...And...WHATCHUGONNADOABOUTIT?" Then duck and cover you face or whatever...but WOMAN UP & TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY! After all, it will all come out in the reunion when they run back them tapes. DUUUUH! I commend Shaunie & VH1 on wanting to be positive and I think it's grand...But let's be real...Who's gonna tune into a bunch of women kumbi-yaing, holdin' hands & planting flowers? We complain about the ratchedness, but honestly, that's the reason we tune in every week. Hey...Just WOMAN-ING UP and owning up to what I do & the reasons I do it. *shrugs* Welp...One more part of the reunion to go! Basketball Wives goes Maury on us with polygraph results! Seriously, ladies...GET YOUR LIFE! <In my Tamar Braxton voice> But, of course, I'm gonna watch! *shrugs*  P.S.(Royce- Don't cry.) BWAHAHAHAHAAAA!  Aaaand I'm out! Hollaaaa!

Mommy...What color is Jesus?

Had this discussion with my kids just the other day.

The Boy: Mommy...What color is Jesus?

The Girl: (in that teen know-it-all voice) He's biracial.

Me: O_o

The Girl: Wait...He's not biracial...Isn't He Every-racial? Cuz He loves everybody.

The Boy: (as if mentally mulling over the information my daughter just shared)Yeeeah...

Me: _____Flatline_______ (I definitely discussed this with them further, but I really had to recoup first.) #Lovethemkids,man!

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Get Off Facebook & Get Your Face IN A Book

My kids: Why can't we have a Facebook? Everybody is getting one.
Me: Not true. You're not. |o)

I don't think children should have Facebook accounts...for a few reasons:

#1: Most of them under 16 & some 16 & older are not mature enough to handle the responsibility of having their own account on the internet. They 'friend' just about any & everybody & put any & all their business out there. The pics some of them post, like the ones with the kissy lips & cleavage showing, boys with their shirts off, etc., are too much for teens to be posting on a social internet site. They attract predators & are not mature emotionally or mentally enough to handle that kind of attention.

#2: Facebook Drama/Bullying. As an immature<not a bad word, by the way> kid, it's hard not to get caught up. Heck...we have adults on Facebook that can't seem to stay out of drama & Internet Gangster activity.

#3: Most kids are going to friend adults: i.e. parents, aunties, cousins, etc...The things folks post on the adult pages can be viewed by the kid(s). Some of it is too mature for kids to be seeing (pictures, stats, etc).

I will use my discretion on whether to friend a kid or not. If they are 13 & under, I will more than likely ignore their friend request. I challenge all the adults on FB to do the same & to be ok with telling your children 'No'...You can control at least a little of what they are exposed to in life. Don't worry about being 'friends' on Facebook, be parents in real life! #OOOOHPARENTALCONTROL-OH! <In my Prince voice.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Proper Drive-Thru Etiquette

As I sat in a McDonald's drive-thru yesterday waiting, with slight irritation, on the guy in front of me in a loud suburban with a bad exhaust, to get his hundred and one McCheeseburgers & McFries & pass them out to his eleven kids, I realized folks really don't have a clue of how to conduct themselves in a drive-thru. People really are not considerate of the other people who are waiting to quench their thirst, as I was, or satisfy their hunger. (Hungry diabetics can get really agitated.) Most people go thru drive-thrus because they are impatient & want to get their food fast. Folks who are not on the same agenda make drive-thru stops miserable! So here's 5 tips to improve not only your next trip thru the drive-thru, but your drive-thru brethren as well:

#1. Don't order like you're in need of someone to talk to. Like you're in a counseling session. I.E. "Heeey...um...I think I'll haaaave aaaaaa #5...nooo...wait...What comes on that? Okaaaay...maybe I will have that...Nooo...What do you recommend, Sally? That is what you said your name is, right?" This is NERVE-RACKING for the driver behind you!The attendant is NOT your therapist! Order & keep it moving, Lonely Heart!

#2. Have an idea of what you're going to get BEFORE you pull up to the speaker. Nothing worse than being behind somebody & you hear,"Hi...May I take your order?" 
Customer: "Just a minute." 
Attendant: "Take your time." AND YOU ACTUALLY DO TAKE YOUR TIME! That is unfair in that not only are you taking YOUR time but you're taking other peoples' time as well! You've more than likely been to this establishment a million times & almost ALWAYS order the same thing each time! I don't know about you, but I want to use most of my lunch time enjoying my lunch...NOT ORDERING IT!

#3. If you are one of those jokers who ALWAYS has special instructions for your order like; "One #3 please, but...are you listening? Ok... I want the cheeseburger minus the cheese, make it a double,  wit 2 pieces of bacon- crisscrossed, 3 pickles slid to the right a lil bit, 1/3rd slice of tomato, half ring of onion, extra mayo, a teaspoon of mustard, hold the ketchup, 'less it's Heinz, if it's Heinz spread a little on the BOTTOM bun...wit light lettuce..Oh & no sesame seeds on my bun, please." MAAAAN! Write that mess in a note & take it on the inside! Ain't nobody got all day for you to repeat that, then go thru your order & double check that!

#4. If you got more than 2 orders, GO INSIDE!! They're gonna get it wrong anyway! Then paying for multiple orders with different kinds of currency for each order ....OMGEEEEE!! That is enough to cause Drive-Thru Homicide! GO INSIDE WIT AWLADAT!

#5. Just like I mentioned about the man earlier...If you do have multiple orders or are going to divvy the order up betwixt people in your car, be courteous, AND PULL OUT OF THE DANG DRIVE-THRU!!! Do not be ignorant, like dude in the suburban, and hold up the line to make sure Ray-Ray, Pooky n' nem got their grub before you pull off. Pull that raggedy heap of rusty metal over into a parking space or somethin'! He better be glad they don't do E-checks no more! #FAIL