Basketbrawling Wives Breakdown: Are the Bosom/Butt Buddies gonna have some beef?

Mmmkaaaay!!! Where do I start??? Massive Molar Malaysia and Big Bodyguard Bambi, I love what you're doing giving back to the community. Talkin' to those girls...Not sure what neither one of you were wearing or why but good for you nonetheless! Malaysia you ain't got no right gettin' mad at nobody but yourself for always jumpin' in some stuff that doesn't concern you! You know Jackie's wacky so why would you even believe her when she said she didn't know it was a White party? She knew! She just, once again, wanted to stand out and make the event about her! THEN, Jackie gon' be like,"Everybody was gon' be jealous!" OF. WHAT?!? Cause nobody does 'Crazy' as good as you??? She is really delusional man. Draya almost made me cry when she said, "I don't know if it's Alzheimer's or what.." HA! (She actually said All Timers, but I caught her drift & it was fuuunnnnyyyy!) Bambi...you're just like your little baby deer namesa

ke, you have no clue! I understand you mean well, but pump your brakes! You will see once they play all this back on the reunion, Jackie is TRYING to play everybody. Laura knew the gig was up so she decided to completely let the cat out of the bag. But like Laura said and because she IS petty, it's not over yet...She does need to build a bridge, get over it and leave Jackie under it like the troll she is. There's still some stuff to be hashed out...& I'm sure it will be on the reunion show! Soooo surprised and glad that Laura didn't play the 'Bad Mother' card that she had, cuz ol' Jackie sho'nuff opened the floor for her to use it! It's gonna get played and once again, poor Jackie's feelings are gonna be 'hurt'! I'm like comatose tired of Jackie talkin' about how she's always 'hurt' and how she 'cares deeply for everyone of you girls'! Bambi ain't catchin' on to that mess yet?!? Maybe it's cause she's so tall... Takes a minute for the info to get to the top of the mountain...I dunno. Ummm...Good for Gloria and Matt. Yeah. Um...Draya, you better check yourself...You know Brooke gotta history of sittin' on things, lettin' them fester, then showin' up in fightin' gear & snatchin' weaves! I understand, kinda, where Draya's comin' from as far as dude ain't have to bring her up in that convo, but she ain't have to start downplaying the magazine and Brooke's accomplishment because of HIS ignorance! Brooke will work your little tail...Please bring it in and be careful little mouth what you say! It's. About. To. Go. Down. Booty Models Go Wild...ER! LOL! Welp, lemme make like Draya at that photo shoot and get on up outta here! HOLLA!

RHOA Rundown (Just a tad late! Quit your gripin'!): Bourgeoisie is as bourgeoisie does.

 Sooooo Kim...Back to the townhouse you go, aye! We all gotta do it at some point in our lives. Swallow our pride...take that step back...But you could do it with a little more grace. NO home in  ALL of Atlanta meets YOUR standards so you moving back to a TOWNHOME?!?! COME ON!!! Surely there must be some lush, plush pad that tickles your fancy. You're not that far removed from the trailer park! I'm sure if you would've got to Kandi quicker she would've let you lease the house she's moving out of. *Shrugs* I'm not even gonna mention Not-so Sweetie. Dang! I just did! Anyhoo... Speaking of bougie folks who don't need to be, NeNe, you're not so far removed from the ghetto yourself for you to be actin' like that about subways & street hot dogs...Ok...I'm not to keen on those things myself, but we're not talking about me! I like Cynthia's down-to-Earthness! I don't know about y'all, but if I have to be subject to any more of Grampa Greg's flirkin'...Yes...FlirKin'...I'm gonna freakin' hurl like I ate one of them street dogs on a merry-go-round goin' 85 mph! I can't take it! His bottom teeth look like a rickety old wooden fence! "I wanna key to your house...to your heart!" How 'bout a key to the dentist's office and to Shady Green Acres Nursing Home, fool! Seriously! He looks like the offspring of Uncle Ben and a California Raisin! EE-YUCK!!!! How NeNe act that funny about a hot dog, yet she thinks THAT looks good? I dunnooo...I liked the interaction between Kandi & her peeps....Yeah...K...Moving right along...Phaedra is still infatuated with butts & her hubby is still dense....but he looks good...soooo....I just thought it was weird that they live together but she didn't know he had been certified. They were talking like they hadn't seen each other in months. Maybe that's just me...Well...NEW KID ON THE BLOCK!! Porsha made her entrance, didn't she? I like her! Unlike the other divas, she seems genuinely happy. A lil hyper for my taste, but sometimes it's hard to tone down Happy! But don't let the smile fool ya! She sure put ol' Kenya in her place! She was like, Miss USA moomushmay! It was how many decades ago? Get over it! I know Kenya acts the way she acts because she is hurt behind the situation with her mother. Hurt people hurt people. I get it. But be prepared for some comebacks, boo! Welcome to the group, Porsha! You seem like just the firecracker this show needs! AND she's actually married AND a REAL housewife of Atlanta!! Shut the front door! This is gonna be fun! Well, it's time for me to make like Kenya & leave the party! HOLLA!!!

A Few Pumps of Air Short of a Baskeball Wives BREAKDOWN!

Aaawwww...Brooke was so nice & sincere about grabbing Geriatric Jackie's weave & slammin' her head into that table! That was real cool for her to apologize! Jackie still had the nerve

to wear fight gear as if that was ever gonna aid her in fighting Brooke. Granny, your fighting days are...or at least SHOULD BE over! I mean...you're at the age of broken hips & knee replacements! Ain't nobody got time for that! And as far being a Fashionista ... Um...How do I put this nicely?? Jackie...you're more along the lines of a FashioNOTTA...a FashioNASTY even. Prepared to be emotionally devastated, dear. The only one who 'adores' your fashion sense is you & you have no sense...Oh...& Doug... Your blind seeing-eye puppy...He likes it...but that's it! I didn't know that her daughter was his. He be talking to her like a...a....a STEPfather...Like he's afraid to talk to her. Wow. Their relationship really is strained. So is the big, blacker one his? WHAT?!? Oh! I didn't mean...Well...Her own mama refers to her like that soooooo....SO?!? It makes me wanna go 'Brooke' on Jackie's dimpled behind! I cannot believe a mother could do & say the things that she's done & said. Then when Brooke asked her about it, she tried to play it down. I know there are two sides to every story, but I don't believe Jackie's daughter would lie on her like that, & with Jackie's track record, I can't help but to believe it. It makes sense too as to why her kids...her own flesh & blood, despise her so much. I was flabbergasted at that little bit of disclosure last night! SMH! I digress...Malaysia's party was cute. Malaysia is pretty...That big hair worked wonders though...it really took the focus off them humongo chompers! LOL!! Did y'all expect all that turnin' against Laura? Jackie was lovin' it up too, talkin' 'bout, "Get out! Go!" trying to put Laura out like they did her at Gloria's house! Yes, I think Laura's wrong for what's she's doing to Jackie, but she is really the one that sees Jackie for who she truly is! All the rest keep getting sucked into that whirlpool that is Jackie & acting oblivious to her crazabilities. ('cept Draya...she knows but STILL keeps getting sucked in.) I just wish Laura would be honest & not be so fake & obsessed with getting revenge! Weeeell....like the thong part of Brooke's leotard, I must disappear! HOLLA!!!!

RHOA RUNDIZZLE: LATE BUT STILL ON PIZZLE FO' SHIZZLE!!

Koo-Koo Kenya! You can almost see her mind snap in this pic.

I am sorry, but Kandi & her boo seem a tad awkward. I ain't hatin' neither...It's either awkwardness, or the way they've been editing their scenes. I dunno...I just ain't feelin' it...

Then again, I guess it ain't for me to feel. Hmmph! See, I can check myself too, boo! I'm an equal opportunity checker! Yes, I am! Anyhoo...Speaking of checks, Phaedra needs to check herSELF...I mean...Lesbi-Honest...Why she always lookin' at some other females gluteous maximases? Tellin' chicks to 'turn around & lemme see whatchu workin' with'! Uh no, sugar! Ain't no chicks gon' be spinnin' ME around & checkin' ME out! But I guess that's the 'New Normal' these days...Psssht! Anyway...Kim is miserable. Still. She's just miserable about something else besides her love life now. Namely her housing & pregnancy situation. She's the type that can create a problem where there really isn't one. You're not homeless...You got someplace to go. But of course, with all that Barbie hair to hold up, she has to save face. She does not want any of the sistahs to know and/or take satisfaction in her moving BACK to her townhouse! Girl, you better swallow some of that pride and do what you gotta do. Quit trying to always one-up the competition...especially when there are no other competitors! Then there's that Sour Patch Sweetie! Y'all...I don't think she's actually grasping that she's 'The Help'. Got the nerve to have her nose up in the air like she's not MORE homeless than Kim! And Kim...ain't your mama ever taught you nothin'? Don't be havin' no female, especially one as thirsty as Sweetie, always around your man! AND NEVER...NEVER talk to them about your sex life. Type-ah ignorant mess is that? Yeah, but Ebony & Ivory were high-tailing out of that party, weren't they? And it wasn't about Kim being hot or bored or nothing neither! Chick was just salty cuz she couldn't be all diva'd up in Red Bottom stilettos & whatnot & she couldn't drink. That's all that was! HEEEEY!!! NeNe has ARRIVED-AH! In case some of y'all didn't get the memo...Even though she arrived quite late, approximately 2 HOURS, to her own lil shindig! She did gain a few cool points from me when she showed her more humble side in that parade. She was nice to Kim & BitterSweetie too. Then they stood her up with their miserable selves, but that's ok...The party was for SUCCESSFUL, POWERFUL, BUSINESS women anyway, so good riddens, entrepreLosers! Wigs be gone! I do think Cynthia & Kenya are gonna be two Amazon models gone wild here soon. Kenya needs to be slapped to the point that her neck snaps back & she spins around & lands on the ground! Kenya...wow...She's a new type of cray-cray. Y'all see how mad she got when her dude just mentioned asking Kandi out ONCE, cuz SHE ASKED! AND dude got shot down! Nothin' even came of it! But Krazy Kenya almost flipped her weave! She went from 0 to Chris Brown in like 0.2 seconds! She is bonkers! And if he marries her, he just might find himself as that blurry figure laying in a pool of blood on Snapped! Well...I got another review to write, so I'm gonna make like dude shoulda when Kenya excused herself to the ladie's room & be OUT!!! HOLLA!!

On the Re-Election of OUR President, BARACK OBAMA

Ok. I have read some really disheartening things regarding our POTUS and Democrats in general. First of all, ALL Democrats are NOT Black, NOT freeloaders, are NOT receiving some form of public assistance, are NOT crackheads, are NOT unemployed. MANY of us ARE VERY hard workers, ARE from EVERY walk of life, ARE drug (and alcohol) free, ARE employed and ARE productive citizens AND OUR checks have taxes funding public assistance coming out of them too! #2: There was time in life that if you EVER let a threat towards the POTUS leave your lips, you would be charged with treason & possibly put to death! I don't remember all of this hate when George DUBYA was elected into office. Heck...I don't remember it when Bill Clinton was elected and HE was a Democrat. Then again...well...y'all know without me saying it. I know folks HAAAAATE when 'we' pull the race card, but what else has spawned such hate & animosity over a presidential election of which we've had for DECADES now? #3: It's DISTURBING to hear people say 'people voted for said candidate b/c of his race.' Unless you have polled all of the MILLIONS of voters, you are too undereducated to make that brash assumption! There were MANY BLACK CHURCHES who did NOT support OUR POTUS due to religious issues. Our POTUS could NOT have been re-elected with Black votes alone! THE WORLD HAS NOT COME TO AN END, HE'S JUST A MAN, LIKE THE OTHER 43 MEN BEFORE HIM!!!! Stop with hatred & the ungrounded opinions! IT'S COMPLETELY & UTTERLY RIDICULOUS & UNCALLED FOR!!

Basket(case) Wives Break Dizzle: Is Laura more bonkers than Jackie?

Heeeey, Gloria...Nice of you to swing by the set every once in an arrest. LOL! Y'all know she just had that speaking part last night cuz she wanted to keep the gossip mill from turnin' & churnin'! She HAD to explain why her basketball bad boy got hempt up since he couldn't tweet about it & all. Whatev! Brooke & Draya are besties now that Brooke said she would have her back if she was getting whooped in a fight! Draya ain't stupid. She knows she needs a bodyguard with her lil self. Malaysia & her teeth are being upstaged by her +1, Bambi. How you gon' bring a true nonfactor onto the show that YOU were established on & she becomes more relevant than you? SMH! Bambi ain't playin' with Laura either. She's ready to put her weave on the line for Jackie. Which is more than Jackie's own kids are willing to do for her. Jackie's daughters called her out on the same things the 'girls' have called her out on. Chick acts like

she's listening, apologizes, adores & still will not acknowledge what she did wrong. It's weird. Then she gets angry & 'hurt'! Child, puhlease! Save the tears for your pillow! HOWEVER, I think Laura might be just as, if not more, crazy than Jackie. I mean...What grown woman, who is not on a daytime soap opera, plots & schemes to that extent. You're willing to even bring her relationship with her kids into your twisted plan to bring her down AND play on your own molestation in the process. I'm with Bambi, that mess ain't cool AT ALL! That mess is between you & Jackie! Leave it there or better yet be done with Jackie & let it go! Y'all are too old for the drama y'all be puttin' yourselves in...for real. Then again, what would we watch & make a mockery of if y'all actually acted your ages? *Shrugs* And why did Laura, in that confessional scene, look like she had just fell on her cheek in a pile of glitter? What do these stylists be doing to these women? Anyhoo...I better make like Gloria & get lost! Until next week! HOLLA!!!

RHOA RUNDIGGITY DIZZOWN: Former Miss America is now Miss Stank-itude!

Well, they're back y'all! Those wives, or not, that we LOOOOVE to hate that we love! I ain't gon' lie...I'm gon' miss ol' Sheree with all her craziness & bourgeoisie-ness! She must be all consumed with the building of Chalet de Sheree...I sure hope it's more that just a plot of land by now! Moving right along...Kandi seems so happyyyyy...But then again, she always looks like that. LOL!! Same exact look when she was with her boo & when Kim & the Help were gettin' on her nerves during the tour of her house. Her. House. Two of them.That she bought outright. With cash, Kim. I just kept thinkin'...How YOU gon' hate & you're practically homeless? Kandi OWNS this home...er... these HOMES & not via the bank... & you and your knocked up tail gon' be walkin' thru it, turnin' up your nose & makin' jabs...Chile, puhlease! Maybe Kandi will let you stay in her guest house if you don't make her to mad, stupid. So y'all see that I mentioned the Help. Yes, y'all! Sweetie done made a come back, lookin' like Bobby Christina's older sister! Well, if somebody wanted to pay me to do nothing but ride around with them & kick it at their mansion & relinquish any ounce of dignity I might have...I just...might....NAAAAAAAAAH! Them days are over!!...As long as Mitt Romney don't get into office...LOL! Anyhoo, NeNe is really smellin' herself, ain't she? Talkin' bout she ain't been in none of Tyler Perry's movies cuz "We such good friendsss...." Mmhmm...Y'all such good friends that he ain't bother to call you & your tired bleach blonde doo to tell you that he changed his number...Mmmkay, girl! Speakin' of fronters & #1 stunters, that new girl Kenya...CHIIIIIIILE!! She's not snatched like Ms. Lawrence but I do believe she might get snatched UP this season, she keep on like she keepin' on! Got the nerve to be actin' like her poop don't stank & her hubby looks like an older version of Moesha's daddy! That' ain't hot! And all that make-up caked-up ain't hidin' yo' bad skin, boo, so ya really need to stop hatin' cuz you really have no room...Speaking of Pro-Active, Cynthier was ready! She done got herself a backbone this season! Standin' up to her baby daddy about the kid. I felt her on that, as a mother who is the primary caregiver of the chil'ren...don't come up in here tryin' to call full time shots when you're part time, sweets...I don't care how much better you look than my current. HA! Then she handled Kenya at that audition. I really think that something is mentally wrong with girls name Kenya...Wasn't ol' girl from Basketball Wives named Kenya? And she thought she was way more relevant than she really was too...Mmhmm..Welp! That pretty much does for this week! On behalf of the folks who love them some trashy, non-educational television, I want to say WELCOME BACK REAL (fake) HOUSEWIVES (most of you work & are not married) of ATLANTA! We missed you!! HOLLA!